


Your Shadow at Morning

by travelinthedark



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-16
Updated: 2011-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-15 17:30:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/travelinthedark/pseuds/travelinthedark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron's world is a mess, and it falls apart more every time he tries to fix it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Shadow at Morning

(1)

Aaron’s world is a mess, and it falls apart more every time he tries to fix it. There are nights where he lays across the couch and stares at the ceiling for hours, thinking and thinking about Haley, about Jack. He gets lost in this world where he never had to lose Jack or feel like this, where his job never put his family in danger. The thought of being a litigator makes him itch, makes him restless, but there are times he wishes he’d stuck with it because then he might still have Haley and Jack and a family.

(2)

His hands shake sometimes, and he can’t control it. It’s just this thing that happens when he’s a little on edge. They shake when he doesn’t have all the evidence, or when he’s done something rash, or when he’s caught himself just before he lets himself say something he’ll regret. Its as if his body is demanding retribution for whatever he’s just screwed up, and he hides it as much as he can. It’s a tremor strong enough that people might notice, but no one ever seems to, and Aaron thinks he’s okay, he’ll be okay if no one notices.

(3)

His teammates show their support in different ways, most of them quietly, accompanied by soft, sad smiles. It’s like they think he’s going to break, or that he’s already broken. The only one who is up front about it is Spencer, and Aaron thinks that’s maybe just because Spencer is sort-of socially stunted, awkward. Either way he appreciates it, having someone be blunt enough to ask him if he’s okay, if he needs someone to cook for him or to listen to him or just be with him. Aaron says he’s okay, but Spencer brings him frozen lasagna anyway.

(4)

There’s a photo of Jack he keeps on the corner of his desk, and sometimes he admits it to himself that the only reason he stayed with Haley so long was because he wanted Jack to have a real family. In the photo Jack is smiling and clutching a stuffed turtle Aaron had bought him when they went to the aquarium. He’s holding the picture when he hears someone clear their throat from his doorway. He looks up to find Spencer standing there, smiling softly. “His favorite character in Finding Nemo is the turtle,” Aaron says, and Spencer just listens.

(5)

He’s not surprised when Spencer shows up on his doorstep, holding a bag of groceries and insisting that he’s making Aaron dinner. “You’ve had to remind me to eat a thousand times,” he says, “and now I get to return the favor.” Aaron sits and watches Spencer move deftly around the kitchen, preparing some chicken and rice dish. Spencer is filling the silence with anecdotes from his childhood cooking experiences, several of which involve small kitchen fires. Aaron lets the words wash over him, glad that for once he doesn’t have to think, that Spencer is doing it for him.

(6)

They’re on a case in Tennessee and there’s a little blonde boy whose mother’s body is laying on a metal table in the morgue. When the boy starts crying into his father’s shoulder, Aaron excuses himself from the room. In the hallway he clenches his fists and tries to control his breathing, fighting the bile that’s rising in his throat. A minute later Spencer follows him into the hall, comes to stand next to him and lays a hand on his shoulder. Spencer doesn’t say anything, and Aaron closes his eyes, reminding himself that Jack is safe, Jack is okay.

(7)

Morgan raises his eyebrows when Spencer brings Aaron Starbucks one morning, and Aaron sees the way Spencer just shrugs it off. The rest of his teammates are quiet in their support and Spencer just. Isn’t. Aaron has come to appreciate it, come to like the way that Spencer just pushes his way into Aaron’s life whenever he feels that Aaron is pulling away. He’s grateful for the little things that Spencer does to make his day easier or better. The next day he returns the favor, bringing Spencer a sugar laden mocha-something-or-another and ignoring Morgan’s surprised look.

(8)

When Aaron is on the edge of pushing an unsub too hard while interrogating him, Spencer leaves the viewing room and enters the interrogation room to step in. He’s surprised that it’s Spencer who does, and he knows the rest of the team must be too, but he quiets when Spencer gives him a look that very plainly reads, ‘back off.’ And Aaron glares at him, but Spencer’s gaze doesn’t falter and after a minute Aaron sighs and nods almost imperceptibly. He takes a moment to remind himself that this isn’t about him before he turns back to the unsub.

(9)

It takes Aaron a long time to fall asleep at night, with too many scenarios running through his head, too many thoughts that he just can’t suppress. He lays in his bed, partially illuminated in the bands cast by the moon coming through his blinds, light glinting where it meets his scars. Most nights he traces his fingers over them absently, wondering how his life turned into this. He lays awake, stares at the ceiling and lets thoughts flicker through his mind, doesn’t bother to censor them, and they revolve around Jack but now sometimes Spencer is in there, too.

(10)

Spencer doesn’t seem at all surprised when Aaron presses him back against the counter and kisses him. It’s slow and soft and tentative, and Aaron brings one hand up to cup Spencer’s jaw. When he pulls back Spencer smiles softly. Something he’s feeling, fear or helplessness, must bleed through in his expression because Spencer’s hands come up to wrap around his waist and Spencer says, “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere,” before he leans in and presses a kiss to the corner of Aaron’s mouth. Aaron rests his forehead against Spencer’s and breathes in deeply, knowing that Spencer means it.


End file.
